Interlude

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I am going to experiment a bit with this one.

I am going to write, not think, just write. Whatever flows from my brain to synapses to fingertips to these clickety, clackety keys and then gets smudged electronically into the ether. Would be fun to see if something mildly interesting or even coherent comes out.

I have been wondering a lot about creativity these days, or lack thereof. I used to think of myself as quite creative not that long ago. Words used to flow much more easily then; about myriad topics and stories and happenings that I just couldn't wait to commit to paper / blogs / word docs; variegated thoughts and ideas and opinions that others might not share but I cared about. It is not like that anymore. It is much more of an effort to sit down, stare at a blank screen and create something out of nothing. It just doesn't feel that natural anymore.

Why is that? Have I just 'lost' it? Have I nothing left to say? Or am I just too pre-occupied, or lazy, or a combination of both? Is it just like getting back on the bike, or is there something deeper, more fundamental that is broken and needs to be fixed? I still don't know to be honest. These words seem to flowing fine enough, but I am not sure whether I am actually communicating something of substance or this is just a grandiloquent edifice of nothingness. 

I feel like it is there, somewhere, roiling beneath the surface, all dammed up but bursting at the seams. Sometimes I have these moments of amazing clarity, where words seem to spiral in perfect rhythm right in front of my eyes, only to flee into nothingness when I try to catch hold of them. Some mornings I wake up with vague sensations of momentous visions, phantasmagorical dreamscapes of breathtaking immensity begging to be dragged kicking and screaming into the waking world; but those sensations remain fleeting, leaving behind a vacuum of loss that is disappointing in the moment and is then quickly forgotten in the flurry of daily life. And my only outlet then is a clever turn of phrase of two in mails that get lost in the petabytes of 1s and 0s that dictate modern life. 

I realize that I bitch and moan a lot. I should just get a move on, get disciplined, get organized and cut all the distractions out. Write frequently, even if little, even if it is absolute rubbish, but just write. Put myself out there, get the juices flowing and brute force the hell out of this rut. Look at the world again with fresh eyes and start talking again about it. Inspiration is all around us and so are the words, just need to clear the cobwebs and give it the ol' spit shine. 

Hope to write something more interesting next time around. Stay tuned...

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